Endometritis warrior with shitty eggs here. 🙋🏼♀️I know this pain was given to me to teach me something really good. My greatest blessing in life came to me after pain. My daughter, Florence - grown and nurtured in my belly with the help of another woman’s eggs.
It’s easy to tell your pain story when you are on the other side of it, telling it in real-time feels different. It’s like rewriting your story the way you choose to remember it.
But I definitely have times of regressing back into that darkness. If I’m being honest, I didn’t even recognize myself in most of 2020. After losing out last embryos, I felt angry, sad, jealous, empty. I know this is grief, so I should cut myself slack the way I preach, but it was hard. I have mostly been angry at myself for allowing this darkness to creep back in. How dare I let anything or anyone take away from all the joy I have in my life. I’m stronger than this. I’m a better mom and wife than this.
The pain of infertility has brought me so much good in my life up to this point, and that is exactly why I have decided to welcome more pain. It must mean that more good is coming. And hope is always available.
I have decided to focus my energy towards acceptance. I am surrendering to the pain by welcoming all the lessons that come with it. Infertility once controlled my life, and I’m not going to let that happen again. I have decided to respond with love. I have decided to lean into hope. And to believe that everything is going to plan, and that one day I’ll know the answer to “why me again?”.
Writing, reading, practicing gratitude, yoga, smiles from strangers, acts of kindness from friends, the ocean breeze, signs from Angels, inspirational stories from other #ttcwarriors, and being home with the ones who make me the happiest, all give me hope.
Infertility doesn’t get easier, we just get stronger, and we are stronger together. We decide how to respond to the added stress of what’s happening right now. We can let it bring us down, or we can rise together. 👯♀️🌈#hopeisntcancelled